The presidential escort waits off the Indian coast
MUMBAI – India – The Pentagon recently announced that 45 U.S. naval destroyers and over 350 jet fighters and bombers are to escort President Obama when he visits the country next week.
“The ten day India trip is going to cost the U.S. taxpayer nearly two trillion dollars. To be more precise, we’re talking in the region of $200 million per day and we’re not even including the secret service bill right there,” Amy Thompson, senior budget director at the Pentagon told the Herald Sun.
Obama’s trip to Mumbai will last all of ten days and is set to become the most expensive visit a head of state has ever achieved in the whole of history.
“Forget about any trip by Queen Victoria, the Sultan of Brunei or any Saudi King. First off, they don’t have 45 battleships following them around. We know it is totally unnecessary, but we’re Americans, we’re democrats and also we get one term to do this shit, so we’re going to have our fun before the whole shit house goes up in flames,” Jonah Fetherline, Obama’s press secretary told the Herald Tribune.
According to reports within the sprawling city of Mumbai, all beggars and untouchables will be taken off the streets for the trip and put into a container ship off the coast. The roads will have to be cleared of cows and other assorted livestock for the 240 vehicle presidential entourage and a steel perimeter has been built up containing the city for three whole days. Surveillance aircraft will be watching the city, street by street, inch by inch, and even the coconuts from the trees will be removed in case they are used as weapons against the ailing lame-duck president.