Be Creative! Save Britain from the Five Trillion pound knackers yard
LONDON – England – Prime minister, David Cameron has asked every Briton to make paperweights and assorted arts and crafts so that the £5 Trillion debt can be slowly whittled down.
“If every person in the UK makes bits ‘n’ bobs and assorted bricabrac to sell on ebay or arts and crafts fairs, we could reduce the countries £5 Trillion deficit by almost twenty or thirty quid,” Mr Cameron told the House of Commons on Friday’s PMQs session.
The new initiative unveiled by Mr Cameron has been dreamed up by Whitehall denizens earmarked for the chop but still thinking of ways to get out of the previous Labour government’s created mess.
Speaking from Westminster, Roger Eapils, a senior analyst in budget reduction, said: “After the scorched earth policy conducted by the previous Labour government to saddle the UK with an impossible level of debt, we knew our cushy jobs were on the line. No way in hell were we going to even consider giving up our early retirement pension plans, assorted entertainment budgets, safari trips and desk jobs where we get paid to have expensive lunches at top London restaurants. This is how we came up with the plan for every person to make arts and crafts. We will be sending out leaflets and instructions to every household in the UK by next week.”
The leaflets that are earmarked for every household’s letterbox will include details on how to make paperweights, cute clay figures, funny mugs, bead necklaces and door stops.
The slogan that the leaflets will tout is: “Car Boot for Britain. Your paperweights can save us from the £5 Trillion IMF knackers yard”