Benefit Scroungers Revolt When Told Benefits Capped at £26,000

There has been outrage at the threat of capping benefits at £26,000 per annum for the terminally workshy.

LONDON – England – The Coalition government has caused a near revolt amongst the benefit scroungers after revealing plans to cap state benefits at £26,000 per annum.

“I’m afraid the gravy train has passed for the benefit scroungers who don’t work and choose to stay at home getting drunk playing their playstations on their 56″ HD televisions. These are hard times we’re going through and instead of the usual £65,000 per annum they were each getting under Labour we’ve reduced it a little to £26,000. But to ease your permanent holidays, we’ll throw in free bus passes worth £950 per year and free boob jobs for the women worth £4,500 on the NHS and teeth veneering for anyone who wants it worth over £15,000,” Chancellor George Osborne announced at the Conservative conference on Wednesday.

Indeed, these are hard times for people who are permanently on benefits.

“I haven’t worked for thirteen years and I used to get £700 a week for my trouble. Where am I going to buy my booze and fags now that I’m only going to be getting 500 quid a week? This is a fookin’ disgrace!” Ed Hendry, 43, from North Lanarkshire told the BBC.


Professional feral benefits breeders Joe and Tracey Allinson

All over the country, there has been a mass outcry from the millions of people who are receiving state benefits for not working.

Mr Davy Daly, a permanently unemployed man from Humberside said: “I can’t live on 26 grand a year. You must be joking, that’s my travel money right there. Where am I going to go this year for heavens sake? Looks like Tuscany is out.”

Deirdre Scabb, 23, a mother of eight children from different fathers was outraged at the benefits cap: “I’ve been breeding my feral monsters for f*ckin’ ages so that I could rack up a good benefits package. Now this Osborne c**t comes along and tells me that benefits is capped. Who does he think he is? That was a lot of hard work that was spreading my legs to all and sundry.”

Another benefits reliant scrounger, Kevin Bunion, 35, said: “Even though people who work pay me to be idle and relax all day on benefits, I am disgusted at them. They should work harder for us and suffer bigger taxes so that I and my mates can live a life of leisure on state handouts. F*ck them, they owe us.”

  • Robert

    I am employed as a benefits manager and we have had claimants defecate in reception, they swear and scream at you. There are a few genuine cases but most of them are dirty lazy buggers. All the staff take the nick out of them, when they behave so badly it's hard not to see the funny side of their pathetic lives.

    Dear Lisa Howell,

    I'm disabled and sadly out of work at the moment, but I love the way you write, oh by the way why not use I'm and not I am, better English.

    Seems you hate your job, but cannot leave to get a better one, sadly with an education "like what you have", seems the DWP are desperate.

  • paul

    if you want a job there out there just to fucking lazy to put your self out youi go in a job centre and say ill do anything dont care what it is there find you one you should be made to pick up shit with your teeth if theres a job doing it lazy cunt

  • lisa howell

    I am employed as a benefits manager and we have had claimants defecate in reception, they swear and scream at you. There are a few genuine cases but most of them are dirty lazy buggers. All the staff take the nick out of them, when they behave so badly it's hard not to see the funny side of their pathetic lives.

  • Albis h

    As dear old Uncle Bertie Russell used to call them the ‘useless eaters’ surely one could use these people as cannon fodder or some other thingy

  • bastards

    how can we wurk if they aint got nowt jobs? explayn that 2 me? c’mon then tell us!!!!

  • graham

    You’re correct about these people —–they are Revolting…