"Change we can believe in"
KABUL – Afghanistan – There was worldwide surprise today after an internet leak revealed the extent of civilian deaths meted out by the US and UK war machine was much higher than previously revealed.
This is really surprising. Who would have thought that the US and UK have murdered tens of thousands of Afghan civilians on top of the official figures released? Also, this just in, we have just discovered that the pope is Catholic and bears shit in the woods.
“We were going to tell you guys about it, but looks like Wikileaks.org beat us to it. Well, since the news is out now, yes, we did kill thousands more Afghan civilians then we previously admitted. But, look on the bright side, there are now less Muslims in the world. Now that’s a major positive, because it reveals that the Crusade is working. Slowly, we are exterminating them, little by little,” a Pentagon official told Fox News.
“Bring ’em On”
Speaking from his ranch in Texas, the architect of the whole Islamic slaughter crusade, George W Bush, said: “We exterminatered them good huh! That’ll teach those Afghans to hide Saddam Hussein when he bombed the twin towers in 1999 and stashed the WMD in the Iraqs, we slaughterized those sand peoples and now you guys found out we slaughterized the Afghanis too. Shucks, it’s like Christmas all over again, pass me a hot dog. God bless America and Jesus!”
Amongst the streets of every major American city, the cheering at the news of more civilian deaths in Afghanistan was similar to a Super Bowl game.
“Hell, I would never have thought our boys had killed more rag heads, sheeit! It’s like a double bonus win. Soon we’ll have a McDonalds and strip club in every Afghan town. They better start believing in Jesus as well or we’ll kill some more of them fuckers,” Bud Dwyer, 56, a resident of Arizona told CNN.