"Stand back baby I'm gonna blast one out right now!"
GUATEMALA CITY – Guatemala – An impromptu visit by American TV Sitcom star Roseanne Barr caused a 200ft deep sink hole which in turn swallowed up a three-storey building, a supermarket, a bookshop and a pet shop, ministry officials said.
“She farted and then there was chaos. I saw my dear friend Juan go under into the ground as the cracks appeared. I saw all the animals in the pet store disappear in the dust. She came here for a book signing and everyone who was queuing in the shop all sadly perished, we’re talking about three or four people, god rest their souls. It was a tragedy. I barely got away myself and the smell was so horrendous that I nearly fainted. I am so happy Roseanne has been barred from ever coming here again, she has ruined our lives, it will take many, many years to rebuild,” Alonso Erasmus, a local resident in the Zone 12 Chupa district, told local Guatemalan news La Hora .
The enormous crater appeared in the Central American country’s capital as it was being ravaged by rumbling tremors emanating from Roseanne’s bunghole.
Guatemalan Minister of the Interior, Manolo Coca, told Reuters that after the disastrous gaseous explosion from Roseanne Barr’s arse she would never be allowed to enter the country again.
“She was here on a book signing tour for her new book about hemorrhoids. Instead she caused a national disaster. I have been on the phone to Barack Obama asking for compensation and some kind of aid,” Mr Coca said.
Last year Roseanne Barr caused another gas explosion that damaged a large part of Venice whilst touring the city. She is currently banned from over 34 countries and has now been confined to her Texas ranch where she is regularly burped under controlled conditions by a team of doctors and nurses.