Catholic Church to Replace Choir Boys With Replicas

No more 'suffer the little children..'

VATICAN CITY – Italy – The Pope has announced that all choirs around the world within the Catholic church are to have the young boys replaced with plastic dummies to prevent any more perversions continuing from the church’s priests.

The new measures brought in by the church will ensure the priests will not be able to do their usual fiddling anymore, because the choirs will be manned by dummies.

“They will look like choir boys, but that’s about it. To take away any temptation, the mannequins will not have any genitals or holes either. There will be a little speaker from their mouths to simulate singing, which will come from recordings of actual choirs from the past,” Reverend Guisseppe Battybuoy told the Holy See’s own TV channel.

The new directive has come straight from Pope Benedict and will be implemented by all Catholic dioceses around the world.

After hearing of the news, there were protests in many Catholic churches with many priests very angry at the new directives. Some commentators say that the priests will now look elsewhere to fulfill their evil deeds with children.

“This new directive has left a gaping hole in our lives. It is our God given right to administer ‘special treatments’ to young boys in the choirs of our churches. By the grace of God, Jesus and the Holy Virgin, it is our privilege as Catholic priests to carry on with our practices which I might add, have been going on for centuries,” Father John McBuggerer, the head of the Irish Catholic church told the BBC.

  • gadaffi5

    What a sheme that they will never sing those high notes again! Prep H sheres are "going down"

  • Job

    Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers

  • psychoville

    When the pope arrives in the UK will he get legal aid if charges are brought against him….is the pope catholic!!!

  • shane mcbic

    absoultely right it should not be up to the priests to prove their innocence. send them back to the parishes they were moved from.

  • melvin polatnick

    The ball is in the court of those that claim millions of choir boys were Sexually violated by priests. It should not be up to the priests to prove their innocence. Unless the accusers produce millions of adults that were sexually violated as children the claims should be considered bogus.