British Cider Drinkers Riot in Streets

Cider is very precious commodity in Somerset

SOMERSET – England – Budget day has not gone down well in the West country after cider prices were hiked up to extortionate levels by the Chancellor.

There were mass riots in the fields and cobbled streets of Somerset yesterday when the Chancellor, Alistair Darling, announced the huge price hike on cider.

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“At the moment we have the situation under control with only 34 towns and villages burning uncontrollably. Hopefully by the morning the rioting may ease but we’re staying in our little police station until we get reinforcements.” Inspector George Knacker, of the Bridleswaide Constabulary told the town’s local newspaper.

Cider in the West country is almost a religion and to meddle with the price, as Mr Darling has done, is considered by most as sacrilegious behaviour beyond comprehension.

“I want Darling to come and see what he’s done here. I want him to see the vats of cider left there because we can’t afford to buy a pint or two. If he’s got the balls to show his face down in these here parts he better get ready because he’s going to need a bloody army I tell you,” an angry ex-cider drinker from Wiveliscombe told the BBC before tossing a molotov cocktail into the already burning Town Hall.

The damage caused by rioters has been estimated to be over 256 million pounds so far, but the extent of the destruction is still not yet known as the riots are ongoing.