Israeli Hitmen Told to Get Better Disguises

"I shot him good, he looks like Swiss cheese now. I don't think anyone saw me!"

TEL AVIV – Israel – American intelligence services have ordered the Israeli Mossad agency to at least try to disguise their hitmen better, Washington’s Pentagon said on Wednesday.

“The Israelis are like a bunch of bulls in a frickin’ China shop, heck I’ve seen a bunch of hippos in a mud pool making less nuisances of themselves. We need to tell these idiots that when you whack an Arab in a hotel, you make like it wasn’t you. They might as well have put posters up all over the place with their faces on ’em,” Al Hertyu, a senior Pentagon advisor told CNN.

In a bid to change their bungling ways, Mossad operatives are now given manuals on how to disguise themselves during assassination missions.

“Gevalt geshreeyeh, we need to cut out the meshugass. Next time our boys are on a hishkhil they better steer clear of the cameras. We’ll be like silent assassins in a Kosher delicatessen waiting to pounce on the bagels. Vei is mir, no more kherbon!” Shimon Perezite, the Israeli Minister of Foreign Assassinations told London’s Golders Green Oracle.