HELMAND – Afghanistan – In a bid to speed up the process of imminent defeat in a hostile country where everyone is out to get them, Western military troops are now training Afghans in combat techniques utilised by NATO forces.
“We’re training the Afghans in our military techniques and giving away all our secrets so they can shoot us better,” said 1st Lieutenant Jim Jones of the 3rd Infantry Brigadiers regiment.
The Afghans, who are normally taught how to shoot an AK-47 by the age of two, are not in the least phased by the newcomers thinking they can be trained to shoot their own countrymen.
“Here in Afghanistan, if we’re not shooting foreign invaders then we shoot at each other. I don’t think the idiots who come here realise what the rules of the game are,” Abdul Omar, a Mujahadeen fighter, who has been recruited by the local British garrison to shoot some Brits dead, then run off into the night and never be seen again said about the exemplary training facilities.
A British commander was adamant that training the Afghans is a good idea: “We invaded their country, and now we’re training them to shoot us with more accuracy. We also train them up on better bomb making techniques and let them come into our heavily fortified compounds so they can tell their friends about our living habits. It’s all jolly good stuff I tell you. Ah, my tea just arrived.”