Unelected PM Brown Coked Up to the Eyeball

"Eh, f*ck you, mang! Who put this thing together? Me, that's who! Who do I trust? Me!"

LONDON – England – Unelected prime minister Gordon Brown has denied that he is coked up to his eyeball on cocaine and other drugs.

“Gordo gets about two and a half hours sleep a night. He’s a paranoid wreck and breaks out in cold sweats every few minutes grinding his teeth manically. It’s quite distressing for the staff because one minute he’s throwing a fax machine through a window and the next he’s rushing off to the toilets. We don’t know if he’s coming or going, in fact we don’t think he knows either,” a senior Number10 aide told Britain’s state broadcasting station, the BBC yesterday.

Although the PM has flatly denied that he is ‘coked up to the eyeball’ he has been seen numerous times with a white powder-like substance on his nose.

There has also been cause for concern about the ailing PM’s erratic behaviour.

“He’s got a nervous twitch, something he does with his mouth, like an ‘o’ shape. His aides tell me they are very concerned about his eyeball as well because of his one eye, if he overdoses he might lose the sight in the other eye as well. He’s already bumping into things anyway and has to read documents about 5cm away from his face. It can take hours for him to read one page. Surely this guy can’t run a country effectively like that? I knew that of course before i jumped ship. No wonder he’s f*cked everything up. Gordo could f*ck up a cup of coffee anyway, but run a country? No way!” Tony Blair, the ex British PM told a group of delegates who paid $14,000 each to see him speak for two hours in Arizona.

Maybe it is time that Gordon Brown has an Intervention to curtail his drug taking and reckless coke binges which are threatening to derail his disastrous premiership.

  • Tommy .D. Kildair

    We’re still the only country in the G20 who are in deep recession thanks to GB.

    I don’t care if he was unelected or whatever he’s damaged Britain and we’re going to take many years to get out. He’s also sold us off to the French who are now regulating the City.

    Traitorous Scottish wanker that he is

  • J. Falkner

    Gordon Brown is an unelected Scottish moron who has it in for England. He has singlehandedly ruined our country with his silly tinpot ideas that has wasted literally trillions of pounds. The best thing for him would be to call a general election immediately so that this country can move on from his mess.

  • Jim Tucker

    Brown is unelected because no one elected him for leader of the Labour party.There was never a leadership competition at the time of Blair leaving as there is always one when a PM steps down or leaves. He just pushed his way into the job. He then promised to have a general election after he pushed his way in but chickened out of it.

    Britain has been taken over by an imposter and a cowardly thief = Gordon Brown.

  • Scotch c**t

    Steve Johnson you’re a cunt of the highest order for defending that Scottish piece of shiteHe bottled out of an election soon after he shoehorned himself into Tony BLiar’s place. Gordon is a fucking piss stained coward with no courage, he should have done the decent thing and called an election if he had any guts but he didn’t and caused chaos soon after.Instead he ruined Britain irreparbly and has left us in the dirt for many years to come.

  • Steve Johnson

    What is all this crap about Gordon Brown being an unelected Prime Minister? He is a democratically elected member of parliament of a democratically elected government. In The UK we elect a party as the government not a Prime Minister. We do not have separate elections for Prime Ministers and never have done. No one made this criticism of John major when he took over from Thatcher in 1990, or Callaghan when he took over from Wilson in 1976, or Home when he took over from MacMillan in 1963 or MacMillan when took over from Eden in 1957 or Eden when took over from Churchill in 1955 or Churchill for that matter when he took over from Chamberlain in 1940!!

  • ZenithB

    I just read in a book by George Galloway, entitled I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE, that Alan Millburn once ran a bookshop called Days of Hope which became better known as Haze of Dope. Reading this exclusive scoop above, I began to think that maybe this bookshop has re-opened somewhere, under new management. Too many of those we look at these days around Westminster and, of course, elsewhere appear to be spending quite some time browsing there. The only person who could confirm that is Tony Blair (sometimes spelt Bliar) but only on payment of a fistful of dollars. The chap doesn’t work for free anymore.