Soviet Britons Urged to Spy on Neighbours


LONDON – England – Citizens of the Soviet State are being offered rewards of up to three extra cubes of sugar rations a month to spy on their neighbours, Comrade Brown’s Whitehall Politburo office announced today.

You too comrade could be utilised as one of our “covert human intelligence sources” who report thoughtcrimes to us.

who photographs or videos citizens bad mouthing our supreme unelected leader; protesting the enormous taxes; dealing in extra rations or cursing the great leader when filling up their Lada will receive a sugar or chocolate extra ration reward.

‘See them, report them’

“We need your eyes and ears to help us wipe out thought-crime.” a local Council Stasi chief in Sector 61 urged on Monday.

The local Stasi council scheme has encouraged many across our great Soviet state to report any who have been found to be traitors to the supreme unelected Comrade’s Ten Year Plan New Era of Change.

Children are the key to supplying the Politburo and Stasi with information on thoughtcrime offences and there has been a vast increase in prosecutions.

Ealing Stasi Council, in Sector 23, employs hundreds of Junior Streetwatchers, aged between 5 and 10.

Stasi Council, in Sector 38, employs 258 Street Scene Champions, aged between 6
to 14 who are encouraged to report thoughtcriminals, proles who think for themselves, protestors who support democracy and other offences.

Crawley Stasi Borough Council, in Sector 87, has 1,500 Streetcare Champions who are asked to “report on individuals if known”.

local Stasi authorities recruit adult Soviet volunteers and at least 8,454,841 people
are already patrolling the streets in their spare time.

Thoughtpolice volunteers are
assigned code numbers, which should be used when ringing the Stasi council informer’s hotline.

week 8-year-old, Jamie Hanley, sector 89b, successfully reported his father, mother, brother and two sisters for speechtcrime offences after they called the supreme unelected leader Comrade Brown “a stupid one eyed c*nt” during a televised Soviet address announcing a cut in workers pay and an increase in taxes and working hours. Thanks to brave Jamie Hanley, these traitors to the state will spend the next 42 years in a gulag somewhere in Northern Soviet Britain. Jnr. Comrade Hanley was awarded extra sugar rations and on the orders of Comrade Brown himself, he was also awarded an extra ration of cabbage soup every month for the next year.

  • Dave Loader

    Actually I was one of the Street Scene Champions and there were only 25 of us and we helped improve the community for the better by working with the community. Surely It's a good idea to get the young people of today out there and mucking in with the community?