Shooting Season Begins Early in America

If the Government doesn't trust us with our guns, why should we trust them with theirs?

PITTSBURGH – USA – This years shooting season got off to a cracking start as Americans braced themselves for a bumper session in 2009.

In true American style there has been an early start to the traditional shooting season for 2009.

“This year has started off with a bang. We’re talking assault rifles, sub machine guns, 44 magnums, hell anything we can find. Yesterday I bought my 10 year old a Glock and he’s already started shooting like a trooper,” Stan Butz, a headteacher at Groening Highschool on the outskirts of Pittsburgh told ABC news.

The American tradition of gunplay is something that is ingrained in their culture according to historians.

“America was built on brute violence. The Wild West was exactly as the name suggests ‘Wild’. I don’t know why anyone would ever think that things would ever change? Just look at the illegal invasion of Iraq and how many Arab civilians were murdered in cold blood there under the premise of democracy,” Charles Baudelaire, a historian for Chicago’s Institute of Modern History said.

Six Shooter

The 2009 shooting season started off with a particularly violent three days across
the U.S., with shootings that left 14 dead in Binghamton, N.Y., and six
dead in Washington state, where a father shot five of his children,
ages 7 to 16, using a rifle, and later, himself. It also follows just
two weeks after four police officers were fatally shot in Oakland,
Calif., in the deadliest day for U.S. law enforcement since Sept. 11,
2001. Last month, a North Carolina man shot and killed eight people
before police shot him and ended the rampage, and a 28-year-old man
killed 10 people, including his mother and four other relatives, across
two rural Alabama counties before killing himself.

“Our constitution was built on violence and guns. Without these things we ain’t Americans. A man is not a man unless he waves his Colt around. We love the power. Without my gun, hell my dick can’t even get hard. It’s like what we do to defenceless countries like Iraq and Afghanistan. We invade them with all our guns, tanks and airpower so that we can feel good about ourselves. You will never see the U.S. picking fights with countries like China or Russia though because we don’t like to have real wars. Hell no!” the ex vice president of the United States, Dick Cheney told Fox news before picking up a shotgun and blowing a squirrel to smithereens.

One thing is for sure, Obama’s people are looking at the beginning of the shooting season and licking their lips — this could be the excuse they always wanted to finally disarm America.

  • h5n1

    An American walks into a Library.

    15 dead.