Italian to be Brought In to Replace Mandelson

Is that a moustache on your top lip or are you just pleased to see me?

GRIMSBY – England – Aye, it’s cold up North. But it’s going to get even chillier in the next few days when an Italian politician will takeover from Lord Mandelson.

Lord Mandelson was left quaking in his stockings today when it was announced by the EU commissioner that he may be replaced by an Italian Minister.

Speaking on the BBC, The Prince of Darkness rebutted EU allegations that there were any plans to replace him with an Italian Count and refuted the rumours as “..ridiculous! I’m indispensable”.

The Italian Count who will replace Mandy is said to be suitably flamboyant and also has a nasty habit of getting on everyone’s nerves as well.

“The Italian is a real shister and will replace Peter nicely. You won’t even know the difference they’re both as irritating as each other. It’s just that we can get away with paying the Italian less and not have to deal with as many tantrums,” a parliamentary source told the Daily Squib.

Mandelson, who has acquired multi-million pound properties in Mayfair and Park Lane totalling over £18 million with his meager politicians salary will not mind his job going to an Italian. In fact, he says he is rather fond of Italian meatballs in his sauce.