Internet Thoughtcrimes and Free Speech Will Be Punished

Commissar Andy Burnham on parade before his speech

LONDON – England – The British Soviet Government is to censor more of the internet under new plans from Commissar of Culture and Thoughtcrime, Andy Burnham.

The Commissar for Culture and Thoughtcrime describes the spectre of free speech and democracy rampant within the Un-Sovietized Internet as “quite a dangerous place” and says he wants internet-service providers (ISPs) to clamp down further on web services.

“Our state should be modelled on the wonderful freedoms espoused by the Chinese Soviet state. We have taken notes and are speaking with our Chinese comrades on how  we can clamp down on free-speech globally. Free speech is the enemy of the people. The state  is an entity that should enforce all human behaviour and control all thoughts at all times,” Commissar Burnham added whilst addressing the Westminster Duma.

Any citizen involved in anything as nefarious as free-speech will be visited by Stasi officers and taken to a gulag for a forty two year minimum sentence.

Re-education programs will also be available for all citizens who are caught utilising free speech or free thought.

The Soviet British state will not be denied from any arena and the internet, which is a dangerous tool of freedom, will now be completely taken over by the great Soviet state.

Our great supreme unelected commander in chief, Comrade Brown is itching to put the final  nails in the coffin of all humanity and will not be denied at all costs.

Commissar Burnham finished off his speech with some truly Soviet words: “There is content that should just not be available to be viewed on the internet. That is my view. Absolutely categorical. This is a campaign against free speech, you can believe that it must be stamped out  completely once and for all. We are also conversing with Comrade Obama in sector 34 and his New American Soviet administration are ready to draw up international rules for English language websites.”

There will also be an Un-Sovietized book burning ceremony in all libraries across Soviet Britain starting from tomorrow. Any proles or party officials caught with any non-Sovietized literature will simply disappear. Citizens are urged to report any suspicious behaviour from anyone  including family members.

Special commendation must go to Roger Pearson, 12, of sector 36b who reported his own mother for reading a poetry book by the un-Sovietized dangerous slime, Keats. Mrs Julie Pearson, 36, has been re-assigned to a gulag somewhere in Northern Britain for re-education.

  • Neville Proctor

    **** *** *** ****** ********

    I expect to be arrested very soon!

  • H Garner

    Andy Burnham looks very pretty in that woman’s Soviet uniform..he’s even had his eyelashes specially coiffed

  • Yoshi

    Looks like the Stasi have been after the Squib…what with the web downtime and all. bloody commies!