Blyat! Time to Start Learning Russian?

Russian Troops

CHALFONT – England – As Putin readies 100,000 troops for immediate mobilisation in Syria, maybe now’s a good time to start learning Russian, especially since things aren’t going to stop there.


Thanks to Obama’s inadequacy in world affairs, you also better get used to eating Okroshka and guzzling gallons of vodka whilst driving your Lada through the streets of Cheam.

Here are some useful phrases in Russian, for you may need them soon:

Polozhil avtomat Kalashnikova , ya ne golosovat’ za Obamu. — Put down the Kalashnikov, I did not vote for Obama.

U menya yest’ svezhiy vodku dlya vas , ne strelyayte. — I have some fresh vodka for you, do not shoot.

Moya drugaya mashina Lada. — My other car is a Lada.

Dobro pozhalovat’ v Nuneaton — Welcome to Nuneaton.

And to prepare yourself for life under the Russians, don’t forget to watch a few driving videos.