Lord Ashcroft: “Who Do You Think I Am Cameron?”

LONDON - England - An angry Lord Ashcroft is set to be turfed from his minor government post after revealing childish revelations allegedly committed by Prime Minister David Cameron whilst at university.

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“You’ve got to remember your friends after they help you, and if you don’t, well, I get someone to write a little bookie wookie,” Lord Ashcroft said in a recent interview.

After Cameron’s election in 2010, Ashcroft was not given the post he wanted therefore he felt slighted and plotted his revenge.

“I was made to look like a suckling pig. After all I had done for Dave, and all that money I spent on the Tories, there was no pay back. Do I look like a pig to you Cameron? Do you want to f*ck me? Do you?” an angry Ashcroft railed on and on.

Meanwhile, Number 10 has been very silent about the affair.