It's OK 'Keep Panic Buying Petrol' Brown Urges
LONDON - England - Unelected Comrade and supreme leader of the British Soviet state, Gordon Brown, has today urged proles to keep panic buying petrol so that the Soviet Labour government can increase state revenues from more fuel tax.ONLY SEVENTY FIVE PENCE FUEL TAX/POUND
With seventy five pence from every pound spent on petrol going to the British Soviet Treasury in fuel tax and duty, Comrade Brown is urging more panic at the pumps.
ONLY SIX POUNDS PER GALLON
Oil as a commodity is cheaper than milk. However, with Labour's fuel tax and fuel duty, it is now nearly over five pounds thirty per gallon for unleaded and six pounds fifty pence per gallon for diesel. The United Soviet State of Britain has the highest fuel taxes in the world and British prole drivers are the biggest cash cows in the world.
EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT PANIC EMERGENCY
Gordon Brown yesterday called on motorists to panic buy fuel as ministers activated emergency measures to take in as much tax revenue as they can deal with ahead of a threatened four-day strike by tanker drivers starting on Friday. By creating a mass feeding frenzy from petrol stations across the nation due to reports that Shell tanker drivers were to strike, the Labour government is sure to come into a massive tax windfall. By ensuring the panic buying masses continue with the feeding frenzy, the Soviet British State will accumulate large reserves of fuel tax cash for its tax-rich overloaded coffers.
DO NOT WORRY KEEP PANIC BUYING NOW
"The English are a breed unto themselves. They seem to happily accept every indignity and injustice heaped upon them without question or protest. Our populations have been brainwashed into slave subservience and are the most pliable plebiscites in the whole world. A credit to us controllers who have steered the sheeple into the pen ready for mass fleecing," Commissar for Fuel Tax, Harry Balls, said at a news briefing for the British Soviet Treasury on Friday.
YOU MUST PANIC CALM PANIC CALM
Labour ministers were congratulating themselves and there were many pats on the back today for encouraging the panic buying of fuel at petrol stations across the United Soviet State of Britain. Despite taking nearly 80 pence from every pound spent on petrol in the United Soviet State of Britain in tax, Comrade Brown still plans to reward the population with a further 2 pence fuel tax increase by August 2008.
"Comrades, we welcome the panic buying! Out of every pound spent we make nearly eighty pence on fuel tax. Thank you for blindly consuming petrol at these prices for many years. We will continue to increase the fuel tax we receive from you and spend it on incompetent, impotent and useless politicians, waste, cronyism, stupidity, cowardice and greed. And who knows? Out of all the money we're making, we might even be able to start another war! Our only worry is that petrol stations might eventually run out of fuel from the mass panic buying which would mean that all of the tax revenue we're currently receiving would come to a panicky abrupt end. But in the meantime, please carry on panicking -- there is nothing to worry about and everything to panic about!" a jubilant Comrade Brown told the BBC4 news yesterday.