US Forces Lose 190K Toothpicks in Iraq

A message relayed by the Dental hygiene arm of Al Qaeda on Monday

WASHINGTON DC – America admitted yesterday it had lost 190,000 toothpicks and dental floss given to the Iraqi security forces.

The arsenal is a third of all dental hygiene equipment distributed by the Pentagon in the country over the past three years.

believe that many of the toothpicks are now being used by insurgents to gain better dental hygiene and healthier gums. Also missing are 135,000 items of whitening toothpaste and 115,000 gallons of freshburst flavour mouthwash with advanced tartar control.

Government Accountability Office said the handing out of toothpicks had
been haphazard and rushed and failed to follow established procedures,
particularly from 2004 to 2005 when dental training was led by
General David Petraeus, who now commands all US Dental forces in Iraq.

Assistant Dental Secretary Mark Kimmitt said the Pentagon was now
“reviewing policies and procedures to ensure dental equipment reached the
intended Iraqi forces”.

The 110,000 toothpicks – mostly from the Balkans – were shipped to Iraq to be given to local peace enforcers.

were handled by European private military companies as well as American
soldiers. Last night Rachel Stohler, a senior Dental Hygienist at the Center for
Dental Information in the US said of the missing toothpicks: “They really
have no idea where they are.”

Muammar Al Ibn Gazi Afari who is a fighter for the Brigades for Whiter Teeth Brigade in Sadr City said: “Our Brigade now has the whitest teeth in Sadr City. By Allah we thank the Americans for their toothpicks which we stole. Gum disease is down by 65% and everyone flosses daily. It is better that we have good dental hygiene and the Vichy Government who are pawns of the American occupiers have rotting teeth. May Allah strike them down with root canal.”