Obama: Je Suis Charlie Hebdo

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The president of the United States

WASHINGTON D.C. – USA – The president of the United States has made a heart felt explanation for not joining world leaders in France on Sunday after the recent Charlie Hebdo massacres.

“Ah, ya know got up in the morning, or was it afternoon or something, can’t remember? Someone gives me a piece of paper telling me something about world leaders in Paris France. Hell, you know me, any chance to get some free air miles and taxpayer hotel suites, but this time I just couldn’t do it. Ah shucks, after you’ve had one hundred presidential suites they all just the same, nome sayin’? I just said, tell them to send the ambassador, I got more important things to do like, er, play some golf and shit, maybe next massacre in France, I might make an appearance, but if there’s even more after that, it’s gotta be the ambassador for you Hebdo guys,” the president of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama told CNN on Tuesday.