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Choking for gold..

Waterboarding to be Introduced For 2012 Olympics

LONDON - England - With weighty endorsements from the likes of George W Bush, Dick Cheney and Tony Blair, the new waterboarding sport is set to become an Olympics favourite, the IOC has declared. ... Full story

It's like winning the lottery..

Manchester Brothels Celebrating Sports Star's Five Year Contract Renewal

MANCHESTER - England - Prostitutes in one of the cities best known brothels were seen to be doing high fives at the wonderful news. ... Full story

Fans at Old Trafford were in mourning today after hearing of the contract signing debacle

Rooney Scuppered by New Contract

MANCHESTER - England - Wayne Rooney has confirmed he wants to leave Manchester United, however, he has not cited money reasons but contractual complications instead. ... Full story

Paul Gascoigne interviewed yesterday after his heroic act

Gazza Saved Rooney Marriage

CHESHIRE - England - Ex-footballer, Paul Gascoigne is credited with saving the ailing marriage of Wayne and Coleen Rooney, Manchester United manager, Alex Ferguson has revealed. ... Full story

Colletta Booney pictured carrying two suitcases of cash to a Manchester shopping mall last week

Footballer's Wife Forgives Footballer's Wallet After Another Indiscretion

MANCHESTER - England - It was business as usual at the Booney household today after another routine prostitution debacle was uncovered by the country's media. ... Full story

England's cricket team celebrate their 'win'.

Massive Investigation After England Wins a Cricket Match

LONDON - England - Lords cricket ground was at the centre of a massive investigation by the International Cricket Council after the England team's spectacular win yesterday. ... Full story

The England team have been hailed as Scottish heroes

England Football Team Fly into Scotland for Heroes Welcome

GLASGOW - Scotland - The Scots today greeted the returning England football team with jubilation after their amazing 4-1 defeat by Germany in South Africa yesterday. ... Full story

Am I dreaming?

England Win 2010 World Cup by Beating Germany

BLOEMFONTEIN - South Africa - England have won the world cup in spectacular fashion after a 3 - 0 win against Germany. ... Full story

The astounding new production of Pagliacci will star the England manager, Fabio Capello

England Manager Fabio Capello to Star in Opera Production

LONDON - England - The Covent Garden Opera House is readying itself for the Italian England manager to join the new production of Pagliacci starting next season. ... Full story

A swarm of angry African bees attacks players after one holds up a stolen bee hive full of honey

Swarms of Giant Bees Attacking South African World Cup Stadiums

CAPE TOWN - South Africa - Millions of noisy angry African bees have been attracted to the stadiums where the world cup games are being held, South African FIFA officials have revealed. ... Full story

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