“I grew my first mullet haircut and instead of champagne I now drink Schitz beer. I used to frequent Polo clubs, but it is so passée now. Look at my beer belly. It was cultivated with great ardour. NASCAR is the sport of the elite now. Just seeing those cars go round and round and round for hours on end. It’s terribly exciting,” Giles Farnsworth II, an Ivy League graduate and trust fund kid, told Forbes.
The NASCAR look takes months to cultivate and some are even having hair grafts on their backs.
“You gotta have a hairy back and your arms have to drag on the ground. It’s called the NASCAR shuffle. Once you get your knuckles dragging on the ground when you walk, you know you made it into NASCAR nirvana. I mean, I feel like I’m part of the crew now,” an investment banker for Goldman Sachs revealed track side.
There has been a backlash from regular NASCAR fans however to the influx of well-bred NASCAR wannabees.
“What the f*ck is going on here? Why don’t they just go back to their exclusive clubs? I seen one dude with a mullet the wrong way round, and when he was driving his 1986 Camaro to the NASCAR race he forgot to put the fluffy dice on the mirror,” Ted Johnson, an angry car mechanic, and NASCAR fan from Detroit revealed.