“Look at these Paralympians. Bloody hell, I’m fully able and I can’t do a fraction of what they’re doing. Swinging from handle bars in their wheelchairs, pole vaults on crutches, 100m sprints on springs, it’s enough to make your bloomin’ head spin,” a Whitehall policy maker told the Sun newspaper.
Iain Duncan Smith, the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, was ready to break the news today about the benefits cuts, but may have to wait until the Paralympics are over so as not to annoy any of the Paralympian athletes.
“The government is frankly amazed at the astounding achievements of these so-called disabled Paralympians. They’re definitely not handicapped in any way. They in fact show the adversity, strength and determination that would make any so-called normal person bow their heads in shame. This is why they do not need disability benefits payments anymore. They have shown that it does not matter how disabled you are, you can still do a lot of work. We want them all to join the workforce regardless of their disability. From October, Disability Benefit payments will be abolished. You can thank the Paralympics for that one. Blimey look at that wheelchaired bloke go. Whoosh!” Mr Duncan Smith, told the BBC today.
Thanks to the bravery and sheer determination of the Paralympians, the taxpayer will save over £4.9 billion per annum from October.