South African World Cup Mugging Season Set to Begin


JOHANNESBURG – South Africa – Armed robbers, carjackers, muggers and an assortment of generally nasty sorts are gearing up for a major influx of rich football supporters to relinquish them of their money, a township elder has revealed.

“We’re gearing up for our own kind of world cup. The only balls that will be involved however will be the rich football supporters who we will kick very hard between their legs so we can extract their wallet,” Jimbo Mobutu, a Soweto resident who is getting ready for some serious mugging action this summer.

With the influx of rich football fans, armed carjackers are set to have a field day on the unsuspecting football tourists.

“It’s going to be like Christmas all over again. As soon as they come off the planes we will be onto them like a bluebottle fly gets onto a steaming dog turd,” Mr Mobutu added.