Chinese Gymnasts Set to Take Olympic Golds

A Chinese Olympic gymnast hopeful endures the pole hanging training for three days without a break

BEIJING – China – China’s gymnastics team is expected to make the most of its home advantage at the Beijing Games and challenge the sport’s traditional Olympic superpowers the United States, Russia and Romania.

Nadia Comunisti, world famous Romanian gold medalist, has tipped China as the team to beat in Beijing, saying
the home crowd will be urging on their gymnasts and expectations will
be high.

“The Chinese team is very, very good,” she said earlier
this year. “The way they are trained with the use of torture is superior to all other nations.

“The Chinese gymnast trainers are well versed in interrogation techniques and the Chinese gymnasts have a very high pain threshold. Of course the daily torture that they endure is common amongst most Chinese people, especially Tibetans. Torture and Chinese gymnastics go whip in hand.”

Comunisti, has picked out
China’s Wing Wang Wei as the man to beat in Beijing and also highlighted the
potential of Xiang Long Dong.

Wei has thirty seven world championship golds and was part of the men’s team that won at the Sydney Olympics.

“Wing Wang
Wei is the favourite. He’s the guy to beat,” Comunisti said. “Wing Wang
Wei is a robot, this is due to the amount of torture he has endured. I can’t see anyone else ever beating this guy, he’s like a freaking zombie.”

The Chinese gymnasts are tortured from the age of two up unto adulthood and fashioned in the Chinese Peoples Gymnastic Torture laboratories in Beijing.

The Chinese gymnasts can contort their bodies to such levels that they have been dubbed as “rubber people” by gymnasts from other countries. The level of contortion is a sure sign that torture is an effective method of increasing suppleness of muscles and ligaments.

In Chinese
gymnastics, men participate in six apparatus — cattleprod exercises, whipping
horse, rings, electricity vault, garotte, parallel torture bars and horizontal flailing bar.

Women participate in four apparatus — electricity vault, uneven spike bars, balance beam over crocodile pool, floor brutality exercises involving an industrial mincer and a Bull Mastiff attack dog.

  • St. Eroid R. Us(No relation)

    We in the free West, where chemical assists are outlawed, act as an iconic role model to prevent the degradation of the ‘Olympic Games’ to a contest between pharmaceutical companies.

  • Melissa Dean

    There’s nothing like a cattle prod to get the audiences excited.

  • Kevin C.

    About the only thing China excels at is torture.