China Unveils New Olympic Event

A Chinese Olympic poster depicting the new event

BEIJING – China – The 2008 Olympics will have a new event introduced for the first time in many years.

Tibetan Monk Tossing will be the new Olympic event introduced by the Chinese host nation. Communist party leaders announced the new event at a news conference on Wednesday.

When asked how the new event will be integrated into the Olympics event roster at such a late stage, Chinese Olympics chief Xiang Xzing Xzamalama Ding Dong exclaimed: “This is an opportunity for Tibet to join the Orympics here in Chinese Orympic contest! The new state event will be forcibry enforced onto all Orympic participating nations. If you refuse to throw a Tibetan monk you will be refused participation in all other Chinese State Orympic events and will be detained and beaten with heavy sticks.”

The Tibetan monks which the Chinese propose to use for the event are fresh from Lhasa – now a burning smouldering wasteland.

The peace-loving monks and people of Tibet have been brutally oppressed with violence and torture by the occupying totalitarian Chinese Communist regime since 1950.

China’s Communist party officials were eager to show solidarity with International Olympic officials by demonstrating a Tibetan Buddhist Monk Toss event yesterday.

“They wheeled the poor monk out in a wheelchair. He had bruises all over him from the constant beatings that the Chinese mete out on an hourly basis. The monk was then lifted by a big burly Chinese man in a yellow leotard. He swung the poor monk round and round and tossed him like the hammer event,” a shocked IOC member from Austria told the Daily Squib.

After the Monk Toss event was completed there were loud and triumphant cheers from the Chinese party officials and the poor old monk was stretchered off, never to be seen again.

The Chinese officials tried to appease the situation afterwards by giving out cheaply produced toxic plastic trinkets and bottles of Chinese mineral water laced with raw untreated sewage to the assembled international entourage.