God Says Chem Trails Are Lines of Heavenly Coke

Diabolus fecit, ut id facerem!

WICHITA – USA – You know those unexplained lines of clouds you keep seeing up in the sky everywhere, well now there's a perfectly valid explanation for them.

Pastor Joel Muscone from the Deansboro Baptist Presbyterian Episcopal Protestant church claims that God spoke to him and told him what the chem trails are.

“I was driving into church with the radio off when I looked up in the sky and all I could see was chem trails everywhere. I asked out loudly what they were. Then I heard a big booming voice and it rattled my truck. It said: ‘Hello Joel. Those them trails up there are not the government spraying dangerous chemicals into the atmosphere to poison you and alter your brain chemistry as well as give you cancer. No, those are the lines of coke we’re all doing up in heaven. Snort! Aww, yeah I just took a major hit man. Hey, Jesus cut up some more man, this Colombian shit is pure as ice.’ I immediately put the foot on the gas after that and had to tell my congregation.”

So there is an explanation about the true nature of chem trails. There is truly nothing to fear every time you look up into the sky and see them it’s just God and the angels having some heavenly fun.

As for the side effects, next time you feel an earthquake, that’s when they run out of coke up there and get the shakes but when the chem trails are back, everything is okay again.