SCUNTHORPE – England – A group of highly decorated experts have come up with some amazing research results that has frankly stunned the known world.
“If you read the Daily Squib for more than five minutes your IQ levels will shoot up by minus 56 points per minute,” a leading expert in intelligence quotients revealed yesterday at the 2013 Mindscape research forum held in Northern England.
Who would have thought that reading the wonderful articles in the Daily Squib would have such amazing properties for the mind.
“You’ve got a choice of banging your head against a brick wall, sniffing glue or reading the Daily Squib, I’ll take the last option please. After I read more than ten minutes of the Daily Squib I was absolutely astounded at the mind enhancing properties. I used to be real clever, now I’ve got an IQ of a premiership footballer,” one of the affected scientists on the research project revealed.
Footballer David Beckham, who is known for his sharp thought processes, has already endorsed the Daily Squib as has Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney.
“I, I, I love the D-d-d-daily Squib! Aargh! Ergh! Ergh! Ooh ooh ooh ooh aah aah aah aah!” footballer Wayne Rooney was quoted as saying.