17.7 C
London
Tuesday, March 19, 2024
secret satire society
HomeSci/TechHumanity Getting 'Dumberer' Says Scientist

Humanity Getting ‘Dumberer’ Says Scientist

CALIFORNIA - USA - Humanity is not getting cleverer but 'dumberer' says a scientist at Stanford University.

buy squib book

“I just pulled myself away from watching X Factor and American Idol for five minutes to make a statement about humanity and intelligence on my Facebook page,” the scientist who formulated the new theory about humanity’s decline in intelligence, revealed.

Professor Humphrey Crabniggle, a geneticist at Stanford University in California, claims that humanity has been on a downward spiral for some time.

“It’s like, you know the instructions you see on a carton of milk on how to open it, or the Britney Spears album I just listened to in the car or the dumbed down TV and news I watch. Stupid people can breed these days and they are encouraged to do so by modern governments and the media. It’s great.”

In two and a half articles published in the journal Trends in Stupidity, the scientist lays out what might be called a defining theory in human stupidity.

The central issue of Professor Crabniggle’s thinking is a simple idea: “In the past, if you were stupid, you would die. Because you would get eaten or killed by something. Only clever people could breed and survive or not get eaten by sabre-toothed tigers or mobbed by some other tribe. These days though, stupid people are everywhere and can even breed and survive with impunity. In fact, the governments of today encourage stupidity and want people to be even more fucking stupid than they already are.”

As Crabniggle explains in the journal: “A hunter-gatherer who was not clever enough to figure out anything about food or shelter would die off, whereas a modern person is given rewards for being a stupid fucking moron, they get rewarded with food stamps and benefits or whatever they want from the governments of today. Not only that, their children are also encouraged to be stupid too. I mean, which modern government would want to have a clever population? That’s really dangerous, besides most people in government are even stupider than the regular population.”

Professor Crabniggle however ends on a positive note: “Stupid people are actually good for humanity because if people were clever, they might realise that things aren’t so good and they might try and make things better, or even try to topple governments. So keep surfing your Facebook and watching reality shows and living your stupid lives. Drink up your fucking Kool-Aid, everything is OK, it’s great to be stupid.”

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »