LAHORE – Pakistan – Researchers at the Muslim Rage Foundation are finding ways of capturing pure Muslim rage and redirecting the energy into useful electricity that could help humanity.
“This is pioneering research. We studied enraged Muslims from all over the world and calculated that if we could harness even 1% of the Muslim rage for even 1 second, we could have enough electricity to power the entire Northern Hemisphere. It really is incredible, Dr. Abdullah Maqtani, told Pakistani state news yesterday.
Danish cartoonists may have learned their lesson well, as well as certain foolish Californian video makers, but what they have unleashed is a phenomenon that needs to be studied further.
“I just want to put my fist down his throat,” a Muslim man in the laboratory said foaming at the mouth. The raging man was talking about the latest person to create an outrage against Islam. The researchers and some heavyset orderlies grab the man, who is jerking around uncontrollably with fists and spittle flying, and put a helmet over his head.
“His anger and rage energy are put through a transmogrifier and the signal is converted into pure electricity. We need more raging Muslims for our experiment and we will go out into the streets later today to collect more,” Dr. Maqtani said.
The Muslim Rage Foundation has revealed that all it takes is 23 Rage-filled Muslims to create the equivalent power of a nuclear power station. If more rage was harnessed, the world could solve it’s energy problems once and for all.
“There would be no need for oil, nuclear power, coal or any other fossil fuels. We are petitioning world governments to create Muslim Rage Power Stations where all the world’s power will be created. There will be banks of Muslims tethered up and plugged into the system as they are shown, on big screen videos and pictures, scenes that will keep them in a permanent state of rage,” another researcher told Pakistan’s state television.