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<title>Apple Stock Jumps After Sudden iFrisbee Release</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=120&amp;a=2122</link>
<description><![CDATA[ CUPERTINO - USA - Forget about the iPid or iPad, the iFrisbee has taken the world by storm and as a result, stocks in Apple jumped 36% on Friday's trading.]]></description>
<author>by Lewis Haddock</author>
<category>Sci/Tech</category>
<pubDate>Mon, 08 Feb 2010 08:23:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Brown Weeps for Votes</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2132</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - The unelected prime minister wept publicly on live TV in an emotional appeal for votes yesterday on the Piers Moron show.]]></description>
<author>by Ludwig bin Fugger</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Sun, 07 Feb 2010 09:16:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Man Who Wanted Wife Dead Bought Her Toyota</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2131</link>
<description><![CDATA[ SAN DIEGO - USA - The 56-year-old man was arrested at his home in the Chupa Chupa district after buying his wife the new Toyota and encouraging her to drive it.]]></description>
<author>by Malvolio Rosencrantz</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:33:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Celebrity Full Body Scanner Porn Hits Internet</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=122&amp;a=2127</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - Ever wondered what the Queen's tits look like, or how about Terry Wogan's todger? Well, now you can log onto the internet and see for yourself.]]></description>
<author>by Alannah Simpson</author>
<category>Entertainment</category>
<pubDate>Thu, 04 Feb 2010 10:46:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Cameron Using Thatcher Egg Diet</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2124</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - David Cameron is said to be using the Thatcher egg diet in preparation for the upcoming election.]]></description>
<author>by Jonty McMahoon</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Tue, 02 Feb 2010 14:37:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Footballer Sleeps With Other Footballer's Girlfriend</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=121&amp;a=2125</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - There was shock in the world of football as it was discovered that a footballer slept with another footballer's girlfriend.]]></description>
<author>by John Roaster</author>
<category>Sports</category>
<pubDate>Sun, 31 Jan 2010 18:45:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Tony Blair Nominated for Oscar</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2123</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - Hollywood producers are clamouring to sign up former prime minister Tony Blair to star in the movies after seeing his amazing performance at the Chilcot Inquiry.]]></description>
<author>by Lawrence O'Hussein</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Sat, 30 Jan 2010 19:07:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Chinese Man Eaten by Dog</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2114</link>
<description><![CDATA[ SHANGHAI - China - The tables were turned yesterday when a dog  which was about to be cooked, ate Fou Fuk Dong, a 24-year-old chef during a Chinese food festival.]]></description>
<author>by Robert Ottwile</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Sat, 30 Jan 2010 06:41:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Hitler's Moustache Was Preserved Before His Death</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2119</link>
<description><![CDATA[ BERLIN - Germany - Archaeologists have uncovered new evidence that may change history regarding the dead Fascist leader, Adolf Hitler.]]></description>
<author>by Jens Vongrun</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Fri, 29 Jan 2010 19:02:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Taliban to be Given ASBOs</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2121</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - Gordon Brown, has announced a new Labour initiative to solve the problem in Afghanistan once and for all.]]></description>
<author>by Mr. Charrington</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Fri, 29 Jan 2010 17:45:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Andy Murray Swallows Tennis Ball During Final</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=121&amp;a=2120</link>
<description><![CDATA[ MELBOURNE - Australia - The Rod Laver Arena was treated to a stonking grand slam final with Scot tennis supremo, Andy Murray, who swallowed a whole tennis ball during the final set of the game against Croatia's Marin Cilic.]]></description>
<author>by Sven Borg</author>
<category>Sports</category>
<pubDate>Thu, 28 Jan 2010 22:04:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>Massive Celebrations in Britain's Streets as Recession End Announced</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2113</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - All across the country there were celebrations and street parties to rival even the Queen's Golden Jubilee, the BBC reported.]]></description>
<author>by Ronnie Arbuthnot</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Tue, 26 Jan 2010 20:16:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>BNP Wants Foreign Factory Robots Out</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2106</link>
<description><![CDATA[ DAGENHAM - England - British National Party leader, Nick Griffin has today called for the deportation of all foreign robots working in UK factories.]]></description>
<author>by Moseley Gunther</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Sun, 24 Jan 2010 16:38:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>United Nations to Evacuate Brangelina Children After Split</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2111</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LOS ANGELES - USA - The United Nations has mobilised an evacuation force for the adopted children of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie  after they announced their divorce yesterday.]]></description>
<author>by Helmut Singh</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Sun, 24 Jan 2010 16:17:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>Daily Squib Offers Solution to Britain's Feral Breeding Problem</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2110</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - As the decline of the family unit continues its spiralling free fall into the chaotic hell of Labour's Britain, is there any hope in a wasteland bereft of any future; a gin-soaked smelly toilet of inequity festering in a cesspool of savagery where the locals participate in unimaginable acts so awful that they are wholly unprintable?]]></description>
<author>by Persey Baron</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Fri, 22 Jan 2010 20:45:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>Bankers Furious After Bonuses Accidentally Directed to Haiti</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=119&amp;a=2109</link>
<description><![CDATA[ PORT-AU-PRINCE - Haiti - Twelve Goldman Sachs bankers, who were to receive £800,000 bonuses each, were said to be furious today that their money had somehow been accidentally sent to a Haitian bank and used as earthquake relief aid.]]></description>
<author>by Gordon Slimer</author>
<category>Business</category>
<pubDate>Thu, 21 Jan 2010 21:26:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Funky Obama Photos Could Not Boost Democrat Massachusetts Votes</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2108</link>
<description><![CDATA[ BOSTON - USA - Despite Barack Obama touting pictures from his youth in the 1970's against the nude photos of Scott Brown, the Democrats suffered a huge defeat at the hands of the Republicans.]]></description>
<author>by Henry Miller</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Wed, 20 Jan 2010 15:53:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>British Airways Staff to be Handcuffed to Trolleys</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2107</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - In a bid to stop BA cabin crew from striking or trying to escape, British Airways managers are planning on having the crew handcuffed to their trolleys and seats during flights.]]></description>
<author>by Ivana Eskape</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Tue, 19 Jan 2010 10:08:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>How 50 Per Cent Tax Rise May Ensure Brit Win at Wimbledon</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=121&amp;a=2105</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - Labour's punitive draconian tax rules could ensure the first British Wimbledon win since Fred Perry in 1936.]]></description>
<author>by Mike Huntstyncks</author>
<category>Sports</category>
<pubDate>Sun, 17 Jan 2010 14:25:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Bin Laden Could Be Walking Around In Many Disguises Says FBI</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2103</link>
<description><![CDATA[ WASHINGTON D.C.- USA - The FBI has published fresh photographs of Osama bin Laden to try to track down the Al-Qaida leader.]]></description>
<author>by Abdul Mejid Fandango</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:16:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>China to Censor China</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2102</link>
<description><![CDATA[ BEIJING - China - The Chinese president has declared all out war on China and will censor all communication in the communist country, an information ministry official said today before being censored.]]></description>
<author>by Xama Lama Ding Dong</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Thu, 14 Jan 2010 10:08:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Tony Blair to be Paid to Talk About His War Crimes</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2060</link>
<description><![CDATA[ TEXAS - USA - In a bid to get the former British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, to talk about his war crimes in Iraq, a group of Texan businessmen are paying him hundreds of thousands of pounds to describe his crimes in an exclusive lecture.]]></description>
<author>by Herbert W Goebbels</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Wed, 13 Jan 2010 22:52:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>First 3D Porn Movie Starring Roseanne Barr Causes Audience to Flee</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=122&amp;a=2101</link>
<description><![CDATA[ ALABAMA - USA - Sophisticated polarised 3D cameras have filmed the world's first porn movie with footage that has mesmerised audiences with its realism.]]></description>
<author>by Peaches Geldoffal</author>
<category>Entertainment</category>
<pubDate>Wed, 13 Jan 2010 06:40:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>Oil Futures to Surge as Obama's General Petraeus Plans Iran Invasion</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=124&amp;a=2100</link>
<description><![CDATA[ WASHINGTON DC - USA - Long term oil futures have been rising steadily because of the Obama administration's plans to invade Iran.]]></description>
<author>by Jenkem Jones</author>
<category>Most Popular</category>
<pubDate>Tue, 12 Jan 2010 08:01:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>President Obama Sure Makes a Good Cup of Coffee Says Klan Deputy</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2099</link>
<description><![CDATA[ WASHINGTON DC - USA - President Barack Obama invited the Ku Klux Klan's Deputy Imperial Wizard, William Jefferson Billy Bob Clinton over for coffee on Saturday as a gesture to how far race relations have come since the beginning of Mr Obama's  election.]]></description>
<author>by Harry Buck Reid</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Mon, 11 Jan 2010 09:02:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>New Retirement Age to be Increased to Five Years After Death</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2098</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - Workers would only be forced to retire after dying, radical new Government proposals dictate.]]></description>
<author>by Milton Huxley</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Sun, 10 Jan 2010 09:55:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>Gordon Brown Refuses to Leave 10-Year-Old Girl's Birthday Party</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2097</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - Whilst attending a pre-election photo op. at a 10-year-old's birthday party, the ailing PM refused to leave even after all the guests had left.]]></description>
<author>by Alistair Hoony</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Sun, 10 Jan 2010 08:36:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<title>Heather Mills to Star in 'Dancing on Thin Ice'</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=122&amp;a=2096</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - The lying fantasist and gold-digger, Heather Mills, is to try and persuade the public for the hundredth time that she is still a lying money-grabbing fantasist when she will be filmed dancing on thin ice for a new skating themed game show.]]></description>
<author>by Mike Hunt</author>
<category>Entertainment</category>
<pubDate>Sat, 09 Jan 2010 06:42:00 GMT</pubDate>
</item>
<item>
<title>Immigrants Caught Trying to Flee Britain</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2095</link>
<description><![CDATA[ DOVER - England - Sixty immigrants who were caught trying to escape Britain on a boat, were detained today, says the Home Office.]]></description>
<author>by Geordy Havering</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Fri, 08 Jan 2010 20:34:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>Microsoft Shows Off 'Slate' PC</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=120&amp;a=2090</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LAS VEGAS - USA - Microsoft introduces their new slate PC ahead of the launch of a much rumoured device from Apple.]]></description>
<author>by Steve Dobbs</author>
<category>Sci/Tech</category>
<pubDate>Fri, 08 Jan 2010 09:28:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>Why Britain Deserves Another Labour Government Under Gordon Brown</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=124&amp;a=2089</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - The Daily Squib is backing the Labour party for a punishing fourth term election win.]]></description>
<author>by Barry Jenkem</author>
<category>Most Popular</category>
<pubDate>Thu, 07 Jan 2010 07:13:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>The Internal Organ Removal Diet that Can Help You Stay Slim Forever</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=123&amp;a=2088</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - Do you find it impossible to lose weight and keep it off despite your best efforts to diet? Don't worry, help is at hand with the new slimming cure that is taking the world by storm.]]></description>
<author>by Dr. Josef W. Mengele</author>
<category>Health</category>
<pubDate>Mon, 04 Jan 2010 21:15:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<title>Brown Holds Emergency Summit Meeting from Within Summit Meeting</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2086</link>
<description><![CDATA[ SWINDON - England - The unelected prime minister, Gordon Brown has called for another urgent world summit meeting on terrorism which will be held inside the latest summit meeting on global warming.]]></description>
<author>by Chancellor Frederik Von Sheister</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Sun, 03 Jan 2010 20:02:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<title>Cross Dressing Cage Fighter Ruck With Gay Rugby Players Ruins Tesco Store Opening</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2084</link>
<description><![CDATA[ BASILDON - England - There was mayhem yesterday when a charity celebrity Tesco superstore opening ceremony descended into chaos.]]></description>
<author>by Danny LePooe</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Sun, 03 Jan 2010 09:03:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<title>Cameron Fed Up With Blue People Wants to Explore Green People</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=122&amp;a=2082</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LOS ANGELES - USA - 'Avatar' director James Cameron has told an American entertainment magazine of his wish to make another 3D film, but this time with green people.]]></description>
<author>by Tanya Gould</author>
<category>Entertainment</category>
<pubDate>Sat, 02 Jan 2010 19:54:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>Tiger Woods to Star in Adult Movies</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=121&amp;a=2079</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LOS ANGELES - USA - Disgraced golfer, Tiger Woods is set to hang up his golfing iron and pick up his wood in a career move that has stunned his fans and the American media.]]></description>
<author>by Ruiz Emmerich</author>
<category>Sports</category>
<pubDate>Sat, 02 Jan 2010 17:56:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<item>
<title>Al Qaeda Terrorists Advise on Best Underpants for 2010</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2080</link>
<description><![CDATA[ SAN'A - Yemen - Al Qaeda terror bombers give their tips on the best buy comfiest underpants to wear this bombing season.]]></description>
<author>by Abdul Madda Fuqqa</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Sat, 02 Jan 2010 14:42:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<title>Boycott Gordon Brown's Labour Government: Don't Buy Petrol</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2077</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - The Daily Squib wants you to boycott the Labour government's disastrous plan to increase fuel duty by another 15 pence.]]></description>
<author>by Mr. Charrington</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Wed, 30 Dec 2009 13:17:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<title>Think Tank: Nuclear Fallout Preferable to 1.6 Billion Chinese People Polluting the Earth</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2076</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDON - England - The GENESIS PROJECT, a leading UK Think Tank, has come to the conclusion that nuclear fallout around the world is a small price to pay  and is preferable to 1.6 billion Chinese people breeding and polluting the atmosphere further.]]></description>
<author>by Philip K. Hick</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Tue, 29 Dec 2009 09:46:00 GMT</pubDate>
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<title>London Bomber University Graduates Gain Valuable Postgraduate Work Experience in US</title>
<link>http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&amp;a=2074</link>
<description><![CDATA[ LONDONISTAN - England - British trained shoe bombers have been gaining work experience for their skills across the Atlantic says a professor from a leading bomber university.]]></description>
<author>by Sweet Cousin Maldehyde</author>
<category>World</category>
<pubDate>Sun, 27 Dec 2009 07:43:00 GMT</pubDate>
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