Labour's Chav Legacy on Britain's Youth
MERTHYR VALE - Wales - It's now official: The Labour Party are set to permanently dumb down the UK's population by way of controversial new guidelines for all children put in place by Gordon Brown and his sidekick Ed Balls.People in Britain are aghast that Kelly Marie Pocock, a pockmarked 24 year-old single mother of 3 children from Merthyr Vale, South Wales, allowed her 3 year old son to grow addicted to cigarettes after smoking them for at least a year.
Miss Pocock saw nothing wrong with letting her young toddler chain smoke while she spent hours on the telephone with her chav friends, discussing the latest plot on Eastenders and where they should go drinking at that night.
It wasn't until Miss Pocock was videoed allowing her toddler to smoke that social services stepped in and Kelly was taken to court.
What is astonishing, however, is that Judge John Curron of Merthyr Tydfil Crown Court saw nothing wrong with Miss Kelly Marie Pocock's actions and refused to put her children into care, citing the fact that she had taken 6 parenting classes and was now "a changed person."
After the court hearing Judge Curron added that, "My own other mother got me hooked on tobacco at a very young age also and it certainly hasn't hurt my thinking faculties one bit."
One may wonder just how good Judge Curron's brain is functioning to allow Kelly Marie Pocock to walk free after allowing her young toddler to smoke cigarettes. But, however much the population of the UK may protest at the what is now making news across the country, The Daily Squib can now reveal that under guidelines set out in the new Every Child Matters plan, which was spearheaded by Gordon Brown and Ed Balls, smoking cigarettes under the age of five is now going to be a new requirement in state schools and any child caught doing anything even remotely educational like learning their ABC's will be immediately taken into care.
The 5 Every Child Matters outcomes are:
1) Be healthy. This means no more milk or water with meals -- Jack Daniels are now going to be de rigeur in state schools across the country, and all parents are under order of law to only allow their child hard alcohol throughout the day to get them acclimated to the drink at a young age. Cigarettes are another compulsory item as the government is hoping to get as many children hooked at as young an age as possible so that more taxes can be added to the government's coffers. In this way the recession will hopefully be over by the year 2040.
2) Stay Safe. All children are now required to bring either a 6 or a 12 inch blade with them to schools, depending upon their age and size. Guns are also soon to be introduced and handed to each student for their own protection, and shooting classes will begin in earnest at the age of 6 to make the drug dealing course easier at age 7.
3) Enjoy and achieve. Gold stars are soon to be awarded to every female that gets pregnant by the age of 12. The enjoyment of sex and the achievement of creating a baby is soon to be the goal of every female in the UK.
4) Make a positive contribution. The goal of every student is to spread Chavdom far and wide, thereby making a positive contribution to the world as it spreads just like the viral brand of Communism that Gordon Brown and his government hope to unleash upon the world.
5) Achieve economic well-being. This will probably be the easiest outcome to achieve as drug dealing will be a compulsory course starting from the age of 7 and 10 year olds will soon be earning a 6 figure salary and won't need to have a traditional education or job.