Britney Lost Virginity Late at 14

Britney's uncle is a dab hand at the banjo

KENTWOOD – Louisiana – Britney Spears has been hit by allegations that she lost her virginity at the late age of 14. It is not customary for trailer trash in Louisiana to lose their virginity at such a late age.

The pop mimer’s former lawyer, Ernie Ernie, made the allegations in an interview with an American tabloid magazine.

He claimed that Britney first had sex with Brad
Jonestown, who she’d been seeing for fourteen years. Brad is not her first cousin or father which is customary for trailer trash in Louisiana. Brad who is only her second cousin, has seven toes on each foot and three ears.

Ernie also alleged that her relationship with Justin Analcake was
a ‘PR exercise’ to portray Britney as a girl who has broken away from her trailer trash roots and made a success of her life.

When Britney first burst on to the autotune miming scene,
she famously claimed to be a singer.

The magazine, US Sleaze, also contains additional allegations on top of those made by Ernie, which focus on the mimer’s past.

According to the magazine, the family only had one member marry outside of the Louisiana trailer park in which they have all lived and died for three centuries.

Britney Spears is the only one who managed to leave the trailer and finally marry out of the family with ‘celebrity-leach’ Kevin Cheddarslime.

It was reported that Britney’s family all have very interesting deformities due to centuries of inbreeding. Britney’s uncle Jake has 23 fingers on his left hand and is an impresario at the trailer park’s local bar. He plays the banjo with such dexterity that they call him the Eddie Van Halen of the bluegrass world.

Britney’s father/uncle Jim Bob was arrested in 1992 for selling illegal moonshine from his trailer. He is famous in the family for having an additional eyeball under his armpit and also has webbed feet.

At the time, a local newspaper said: ‘Britney lost her virginity late for these here parts. We usually have our girls married with five children by the age of 14.’

Britney is currently embroiled in a horrid custody battle over her two children, Billy Bob and Jim Bob, with ex-husband Cheddarslime.