eu
ECB to Start Printing Money Tomorrow
FRANKFURT - Germany - In an astonishing about turn, Chancellor Merkel has instructed the European Central Bank to start printing money to purchase Euro bonds tomorrow. ... Full story
Nick Clegg Fails UK Citizenship Test Could Be Deported
LONDON - England - Deputy prime minister, Nick Clegg, has failed his UK Citizenship Test for the third time and will be removed from the UK, border control officials have revealed. ... Full story
Sarkozy Shows Off His New Hat
BRUSSELS - Belgium - The French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, showed off his new hat yesterday on the eve of a historic EU treaty. ... Full story
'Euro' to be Renamed 'Pox' by World Leaders
BRUSSELS - Belgium - The euro currency is to be renamed 'pox' by legislators later on today after a series of high profile meetings between Eurozone leaders and G20 countries. ... Full story
France First Lady Kept Up All Night By Crying Baby
PARIS - France - Carla Bruni is said to be distraught after being kept up all night by the incessant crying from a little baby. ... Full story
EU: "World War II Meant Nothing Britain Still Loses"
BERLIN - Germany - Unelected EU officials have told the British PM that Britain must surrender immediately or be economically crushed. ... Full story
Greeks Told to Speak German From Now On
ATHENS - Lower Germany - The former Greek people have been told by Dusseldorf EU officials that they will have to speak German from now on and adopt the ways of their Bavarian masters. ... Full story
The French Surrender Easily But Will the British?
PARIS - France - Anyone who walks through the beautiful leafy boulevards of Paris will realise one thing -- they are perfectly intact. Not one single bomb was dropped on the French capital during World War II, for a very good reason, the French simply surrendered to Hitler's Nazis without a fight, the same can be said today in the EU. ... Full story
Greek Torpedo Port Side
BRUSSELS - Belgium - The good ship euro has taken a huge torpedo hit to its hull and is sinking fast taking the European and world economy down with it, all thanks to a sneaky torpedo from a Greek submarine lurking in the waters. ... Full story
Berlusconi to Save Eurozone With Massive Bunga Bunga Party
ROME - Italy - In desperation, EU bureaucrats who were dispatched to China with their begging bowls have returned empty handed, but now Italian premier, Silvio Berlusconi has come up with an amazing idea -- the mother of all Bunga Bunga parties to rescue the EU from imminent disaster. ... Full story
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Apple Develops iChopping Board
CUPERTINO - USA - Floundering tech company Apple has unveiled its latest product, the iChopping Board. ... Full story