Scientists Reveal How Having Too Many Birthdays Can be Bad For You

Too many birthdays can be a real fucking downer

LOS ALAMOS – USA – Scientists researching birthdays, have come to the conclusion that too many can be fatal to the person receiving them.

The new findings were published in the US government’s ‘1001 vault’ where matters of great national importance are researched and filed for many, many years. The study has been ongoing since 1938 and has stunned the

Deadly Findings

“These new findings are incredible news. After many years of research, and many birthdays I might add, we have found that having a lot of birthdays can kill you. Indeed, over half of the researchers who were working on the project are now dead, as well as thousands of study subjects,” Dr. Bill Underground, 94, told Science Weekly.

Sadly last week, Dr. Underground passed away and the research project on birthdays was passed on to his colleague, Jimmy Kimble, 91, for the remainder of the assignment.