Decrease in British Babies Born Drunk Institute Reports

Sober newborn babies are a rarity in modern day Britain

MIDDLESBROUGH – England – New statistics from the British Institute of Medical Natal Research Centre has revealed that the number of babies born in Britain still drunk has decreased by more than 3 percent.

Leading experts who have been keeping records on Britain’s birth rate and practices since 1945 have revealed the slight decrease in the rate of babies born drunk in Britain in 2010. Social scientists have been debating the new findings with great zeal.

Binge Birthing

“We have seen a remarkable decrease in babies born drunk in England and Wales. In some areas of the country, there was an incredible drop of over two percent. So in real terms, we are talking a year on year decrease to only 128,000 births of alcoholic babies per annum. We have hypothesised that the change may be due to the price of alcohol increasing slightly this year that caused British mothers to shun the booze slightly. Either way, this is shocking news and we are very happy to release our findings to the general public.”

Professor Giles Hinkleman, who oversaw the study has stated that the institute is still collating data therefore it may be awhile until the full picture is known.

“Hospitals are used to seeing babies born drunk. So it has been with great interest that we have seen a slight increase in babies actually being born sober in the UK. Can you imagine the socio-economic ramifications of this statistic? This is insane, the fabric of British society is being threatened from the core by these findings,” Ronald Beasley, a researcher on the project told New Scientist magazine.