17.7 C
London
Tuesday, March 19, 2024
secret satire society
HomeHealthDecrease in British Babies Born Drunk Institute Reports

Decrease in British Babies Born Drunk Institute Reports

MIDDLESBROUGH - England - New statistics from the British Institute of Medical Natal Research Centre has revealed that the number of babies born in Britain still drunk has decreased by more than 3 percent.

buy squib book

Leading experts who have been keeping records on Britain’s birth rate and practices since 1945 have revealed the slight decrease in the rate of babies born drunk in Britain in 2010. Social scientists have been debating the new findings with great zeal.

Binge Birthing

“We have seen a remarkable decrease in babies born drunk in England and Wales. In some areas of the country, there was an incredible drop of over two percent. So in real terms, we are talking a year on year decrease to only 128,000 births of alcoholic babies per annum. We have hypothesised that the change may be due to the price of alcohol increasing slightly this year that caused British mothers to shun the booze slightly. Either way, this is shocking news and we are very happy to release our findings to the general public.”

Professor Giles Hinkleman, who oversaw the study has stated that the institute is still collating data therefore it may be awhile until the full picture is known.

“Hospitals are used to seeing babies born drunk. So it has been with great interest that we have seen a slight increase in babies actually being born sober in the UK. Can you imagine the socio-economic ramifications of this statistic? This is insane, the fabric of British society is being threatened from the core by these findings,” Ronald Beasley, a researcher on the project told New Scientist magazine.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »