Valentine’s Day Heart Transplants All the Rage

"Make that to go," Dr Blitzer readies up another heart for transplant.

LOS ANGELES – USA – Californian heart surgeons are set to work overtime this coming Valentine’s Day with a mass of heart transplantation operations.

LA’s famous Heart and Lung Center in Beverly Hills is set to have a busy day on the 14th of February when 34 patients will undergo cosmetic heart transplants to show their dedication to Valentine’s Day and love for their partners.

“This is the first year we have been able to do this because we’ve got the right amount of surgeons this time. Our oldest patient is an eighty year old millionaire who is getting a heart transplant to show his twenty year old wife that his Valentine’s gift to her will last and last. Apparently she’s not very happy about it though and wants him to keep his old eighty year old heart but he could not be dissuaded from going ahead with the eight hour operation,” Doctor Arnold Blitzer, chief surgeon in charge told the LA Times newspaper.

The hearts will be delivered to the patients in a heart shaped box before the surgeon implants the heart into the patient.

This is set to be the largest single heart transplantation operation in the world with the medical team and support staff numbering at least 350 on the day.

The transplants will cost each patient approximately $250,000 and even though the majority of the participants do not have anything wrong with their hearts they are going to change them mainly for more youthful pieces.

“The hearts are bought from China for about $200 then shipped over to the USA so that the Valentine’s Day surgery can be completed. Due to the Communist regime, there is never a shortage of live donors. Even Dick Cheney was in here the other day. We did tests on him but as we suspected he does not have a heart. It’s just a blackened cavity, so we had to sadly send him away,” Doctor Blitzer revealed.

Vanity transplants are all the rage in America at the moment. For a fee of anything from $100,000 upwards, doctors can now transplant any body part you want purely on the premise of vanity.

Doctor Blitzer ended the article with a poignant quote: “We want people to be happy inside themselves. Beauty is not just for outside, is it?”