Rab C Broon Supreme Commander of Extreme Fitness
LONDON – England – Comrade Brown, who as our unelected superhuman super-fit Commander in Chief, brought forth more orders for his five year vision of change plan today.
Comrade Brown, who was conducting celebrations alone and ushering in the New Era of Change from his dacha in Sector 101 (North Britain), announced that patients will be required to stop smoking, take
exercise or lose weight before they can be treated on the National
a New Era of Change message to NHS staff, the Supreme Comrade indicated that all proles will have to fulfil new “responsibilities” in order to establish their
entitlement to care.
The New Era conditions will be set out in a formal NHS “constitution”, Comrade Brown says.
his open letter to doctors, nurses and other health workers, the Supreme Comrade in Chief promises to press on with new fitness regimes for the prole and party populations,
pledging more rigorous regimes in gulags and work camps.
He adds: “We will also examine how all these changes can be enshrined
in a New Vision of Change for the NHS, setting out for the first time the exercise regime required to qualify to be treated by our great Social Health Care system.”
Obese people, smokers and alcoholics will all be refused treatment under the new NHS guidelines. This means that 99% of MPs in the Westminster duma would be refused treatment if it were not for them being high ranking officials of the one party state.
Supreme Comrade Brown’s vision will include a daily communal exercise regime for all citizens excluding high ranking party officials.
Exercise timetable for all citizens
Starting from the 12th of January 2008, all citizens in Sectors 23 – 101 will be required to congregate in their street at 06.00 hrs every morning wherein a party representative from the Stasi council will put them through an exercise program lasting exactly 45 minutes.
Exercise will then continue at your place of employ at 13.00 hrs where all workers shall congregate in the main yard or factory floor for a bracing 30 minutes of exercise, usually consisting of starjumps, sit ups and push ups.
Workers who are fit and of good health will be given a bonus of 2p per annum on their party wages and a commendation. Those who do not adhere to Comrade Brown’s regime of exercise will be re-educated in work camps or earmarked for retirement.
CCTV cameras will monitor all exercise programs and group leaders will carry out a roll call every day of citizens who attend the required exercise regime. Those who do not turn up to exercise sessions will be severely disciplined.
Notice: B61827 INGSOCK Long Live the Gordo!