BRUSSELS – Belgium – This year’s Eurovision Song Contest will be compulsory viewing for anyone who lives in the Eurozone, an unelected EU bureaucrat revealed today.
“Ve haff just finalised the new directive which will come into place tomorrow. You haff to vatch ze Eurovision Song Contest if you live in ze EU. Ve vill be monitoring all homes in ze Britain (sector 24) especially, and if ve find someone not watching, zey vill get ze necessary punishment.”
It is not clear what punishment will be given for not watching the Eurovision contest or how it will be enforced by the EU, but some fear it could be severe, like being forced to watch every Eurovision song contest from 1956 onwards in one sitting whilst strapped to a chair with your eyelids taped open and massive headphones glued to your ears.
This year’s political voting session will be held in Copenhagen, Denmark. It will be interesting to see how many points Ukraine gives to Russia, and Greece gives to Cyprus. United Kingdom Nul points.
You will watch it and enjoy it.