BELFAST – Northern Ireland – On a recent visit to the city, Labour Equalities minister, Harriet Harperson showed off her parallel parking and spatial awareness skills to a group of jeering male students.
“Not all women are bad at parking, and I think I actually did a really good job considering those vile male good for nothing students were jeering at me throughout my half hour session,” Harperson said from her car afterwards.
Local taxi driver Seamus O’Riordan was at the scene and commented on the Equalities Minister’s parking skills: “There is a tendency to suggest that women are not very good at parking because it has been proven scientifically that their spatial awareness is less effective than men, but after seeing Harriet Harperson, I have to agree fully with that theory. You could have got a bloody bus into that space. Is it no wonder that there are no female Grand Prix drivers out there? She’s a danger to other car users on the road.”
Staunch feminist, Harriet Harperson has now called for all men to be stripped of their vehicles as a form of emasculation so that the roads can only be populated by female drivers.
“A man’s car is just an extension of their penis. If the government takes away their boy racer cars, then we women would have more room to park our cars and I wouldn’t need a shameful half an hour to park the damn thing. Come on sisters, let us come together to free the roads up from these chauvinist pigs so we can park in peace,” Harriet Harperson said angrily.
The Shadow Equalities minister will return immediately to mainland Britain tomorrow and and has vowed to petition parliament to ban all males from owning or driving a car.