Ozzy Osbourne Birmingham Airport Plagued With Bats

BIRMINGHAM – England – When you land at Birmingham’s renamed Ozzy Osbourne Airport, the first thing you notice are the bats and the dulcet tones of Black Sabbath being played through the intercom.

“Since we renamed Birmingham International airport honouring the famous Brummie Ozzy Osbourne, we’ve noticed a marked increase in the bat population. All we need now is Ozzy to fly in from his LA mansion so that he can bite the heads off the bats and reduce the population down a bit,” airport manager, Mr A. Crowley told the BBC.

The bats that have descended on the black painted airport have been seen flying in and out of the reversed pentagram windows but are deemed a hazard to planes landing at Ozzy Osbourne airport.

The amount of hard drugs that have passed through Ozzy Osbourne and Birmingham International Airport are also very similar and Mr Crowley argues that this is another good reason to rename the airport after the singer.

The man credited with renaming the airport after the famous singer, also wants to honour one of Ozzy’s daughters, Kelly Osbourne.

“There’s a pig farm right next to the airport, and we want to rename that Kelly’s Place, in honour of Kelly Osbourne who has been such a great inspiration to daytime TV and general pig fuckery,” Reggie Iommi, revealed yesterday.