Celebrity Sperm Bank Spill Causes Hollywood Street Frenzy
LOS ANGELES - USA - The official Hollywood celebrity sperm bank, Stars For You, caused a major traffic jam and pedestrian chaos as people scrambled to pick up celebrity sperm that had spilled on the side walk, LAPD officers at the scene reported Thursday.
Jane Analese, an intern at a Beverly Hills based company was going to work on Thursday morning at approximately 8.25 am when she witnessed the sperm bank spillage: "I saw the celebrity sperm truck veer off to the side trying to avoid a blind man on the cross walk. It hit the curb real hard and what looked like cannisters fell into the road. People stood there for a second then somebody yelled 'Celebrity sperm!' I never seen a rush like that to collect it up, some had jam jars, another lady said she got Brad Pitt's sperm, then another lady said she had Arnold Shwarzenegger's. People were scooping that shit up like it was ice cream."
The main entrance to Rodeo Drive on Santa Monica Boulevard was blocked off for six hours as LAPD officers and vehicle recovery teams tried to clean up the scene.
"They was celebrity jizz every where. It looked worse than Monica Lewinsky's blue dress, we had folk literally spooning it into their pockets as they thought they had got the key to celebrity babies," LAPD officer, Brian Kiswalde, told a tribunal on Friday.
Many of the bystanders aim to take the sperm home and use the celebrity spawn to make celebrity babies.
"I'm gone take this home to my wife so she can give birth to a celebrity baby, you know like one of the X Factor people or American Idol. These people are the real celebrities," Armando Spaggotti, a man on the scene told local news networks.
It seems that the ultimate in fame accessories has really caught the public's imagination.