Adam Sandler to Star In Every Hollywood Movie For the Next Thirty Years

Adam Sandler

LOS ANGELES – USA – Every person's nightmare could very well come true if a new production deal is finalised by midnight tomorrow by all of Hollywood's studios.

Moshe Rabenstein, is the top producer for Fox studios who will broker the Adam Sandler film deal and is set to make a cool $347 million in the process.

“What I, the studios, Mr Sandler’s agent, and Mr Sandler, propose is that he stars in each and every film made for the next thirty years. He already stars in 75% of Hollywood movies so we do not think the dumb audiences will even realise,” Mr Rabenstein told a consortium of directors and studio bosses on Monday.

Mr Sandler was ecstatic about the new film deal and stands to make even more money than he already has.

“I’m going to have to buy my own bank just so that I can put all the frickin’ money I make in it. I’ll let you into a little secret of mine, some days I like to go into my personal bank vault and play with my money, you know, let it trickle through my fingers, toss it around the vault, stick it in my pants, rub it all over my face and butt,” Mr Sandler said from his Pacific Palisades mansion.

Emergency services all around the world were preparing for the Adam Sandler films, because as expected, the suicide rates in multiple countries will increase by as much as 80%.

  • Ken: By Request Only

    Think I speak for just about every sane person in the world when I say: Adam Sandler is the worst actor in Hollywood. Ever.