Michael Moore feeds on the innards of his poor victim
OAKLAND – USA – In a horrendous show of gluttony and cannibalism, millionaire ant-capitalist broadcaster, Michael Moore attended a protest camp and had a sudden hunger pang that proved fatal to an unlucky protester.
The victim was named as, Jason Morales, 22, from the Oakland area. His immediate family have not been contacted yet.
Mr Moore arrived at City Hall by two pm and started mingling with the protestors.
“He was saying that he wanted to give away all his millions to us, and he wanted to join us, when he suddenly started sniffing around, you know, like a dog or something. Well, I was close to his stomach and I heard a big rumbling sound, and I knew it was time to get outta there,” recalled, one of the protesters.
According to Mr Moore’s feeder, when he gets hungry, they have to feed him a whole side of beef and 120 cheeseburgers. If Mr Moore is not fed on time, the consequences can be devastating.
“He will literally eat anything in his path, such is his hunger and gluttony. If you hear that boy grumbling, you better get the f*ck out of dodge, pronto. I seen him eat an old lady’s pooch in three gulps,” Eduardo Malcontent, who is Mr Moore’s long suffering personal assistant told CNN.
Witnesses at the protest camp site say that Mr Moore was sweating very heavily and he was salivating. Kitchen volunteers tried to bring him some organic lentil soup, but he tossed it to the side, then grabbed the young man and the rest is too horrible to write about.
“It took 34 officers to take Mr Moore away, and they had to muzzle him because he was gnashing his teeth like a rabid dog,” an EMT worker at the scene recalled.
Paul Strathe, a volunteer at the camp told of his guilt at his friend’s death: “I feel bad, because I could’ve saved my buddy. If only I had given Mr Moore pizza instead of lentil soup, he wouldn’t have eaten Jason and everything would still be fine.”