17.7 C
London
Friday, March 29, 2024
secret satire society
HomeEntertainmentAmy Winehouse: "I've Been Drug Free for Three Years"

Amy Winehouse: "I’ve Been Drug Free for Three Years"

LONDON - England - Pop singer, Amy Winehouse, has revealed that she thinks she has been drug free for three years.

buy squib book

 

The singer, who was most recently addicted to party drug woof woof, has claimed in a tabloid newspaper that she has been free from drugs for three years after attending intensive drug addiction treatment.

 

Her friends however have disclaimed her remarks and revealed that the new drugs she is currently taking make three minutes feel like three years.

 

“She doesn’t know what she’s doing because she’s taking this new party drug that distorts time. For the drug users who take joo joo, which is the latest designer drug in the Camden area, it makes a few seconds feel like years. You’ll literally think you’re taking three years to cross a road full of oncoming traffic when in reality it could be 15 seconds. By that time of course, you could get hit by a two tonne truck. When Amy said she was free from drugs for three years, she really meant three minutes. I’ve seen people going to sleep in the middle of the road thinking they’ve got years ahead of them to cross, but poor blighters get squashed like bugs under buses and lorries,” Harpel Owens, one of Amy’s long-standing confidantes revealed.

 

 


Amy, 27, said: “I’m much healthier nah. I used to do drugs and I haven’t used drugs in almost three years, three minutes, three seconds or is it three days. ‘Ere can you tell the time on your clock, innit?

 

“I literally don’t do drugs anymore. No more crack, smack, charlie, whizz, miaow maiow, woof woof or dizz dizz. I dahn need nah Rehab innit?”

 

Government drugs experts have warned against the use of the joo joo drug which is actually derived from a byproduct of industrial toilet cleaner.

 

“Unfortunately, this new drug is taking hold of Britain’s youth, and celebrity endorsements from the likes of Amy Winehouse only helps to spread the word. It is a very dangerous drug that distorts time so severely that the user believes seconds are years and hours are decades. We are doing our best to try and thwart the spread of this drug but it’s very hard at the moment,” Ronald Crowe, a spokesman for the government’s addiction treatment agency told the Times.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »