“I was never prepared for what would happen when I sprayed myself with Jacko’s DNA. I used to be a family man with four kids and married for twenty five years,” Billy Batts, 54, sobbed from his prison cell.
The transformation was astounding say his lawyers. All it took were a few deadly squirts of the dastardly DNA concoction and Mr Batts was in a plastic surgery parlour getting a nose surgery for the fifteenth time in a week; his face peeled and a frightwig surgically fitted onto his head. He claims that he was also uncontrollably drawn to hang around school gates wearing a dirty mac.
“I was going around with an empty can of soda filled with red wine called Jesus Juice. I built a circus in my back yard replete with half starving animals and a big fuckin’ Peter Pan statue in the middle. My wife left me and I lost everything, I don’t blame my wife for leaving with my four kids because I was by then trying to dangle the poor blighters out of the window from the third floor,” Mr Batts sobbed into his prison issue handkerchief.
No one yet knows how many people have been affected by this outbreak but there are fears that the numbers of people infected could be in the thousands.