George Michael Builds Public Toilet in North London Home

George poses in his dining room

LONDON – England – Speaking from an exact replica of a Hampstead Heath lavatory in his Highgate mansion, the famous singer is ecstatic about his new home addition.

Walking into George Michael’s secluded Highgate mansion in North London you are immediately assaulted with the distinct smell of urine and the sound of flushing urinals.

The toilet obsessed music star is such a fan of lavatories that he has built his own replica public toilet in his house.

“I love the smell of urine in the morning. Armitage Shanks is my hero. Look at this toilet bowl it’s so clean you can almost eat your dinner off it..and I often do I tell you,” he exclaims pointing at one of the urinals in the kitchen.

Every room in the 24 bedroom mansion is decked out with similar toilet furnishings including a large authentic looking toilet cubicle in the drawing room resplendent with graffiti on the walls and a freshly laid turd languishing on the toilet seat. There are also extensive facilities available for all the daily visitors to indulge in crack smoking and the strongest skunk weed is available day and night. The police do not bother George because of his famous celebrity status and this is proven because whenever they catch him in public smoking crack they let him off with a mild caution.

George doesn’t have to venture out into the dank public gentlemen’s toilets in London or LA anymore because he’s got everything he wants at home.

“I used to enjoy blowing white van men I just met in the Hampstead Heath bogs but sadly the thrill is gone. Too many coppers about trying to stop the Greek lover doin’ his thang. All I want and enjoy is now at home, so gay builders now visit my toilets for a session without fear of prosecution. On a good day you can see the queue for my toilets going out past my car-park and sometimes even onto the main street.”

George Michael’s toilets are so popular that he has even employed his long-term boyfriend Kenny Goss as the official toilet cleaner to mop up the daily ejaculate mess from the hundreds of males who visit the £7.5 million mansion in North London.

Haringey council approved planning permission for the toilets in George Michael’s house within a week of applying on grounds that he was providing a public service to many men in the borough and the Greater London area.

  • dick

    We are doing our part to prevent overpopulation. This never causes babies. Think green and help the planet.
    If everyone was normal, we would have ten billion people in the world.

  • Larry

    A boy went into a public toilet and saw a notice on a board ‘Beware of Homosexuals’. After doing his business he saw another notice on the mirror ‘Beware of Homosexuals’. As he left the toilet he saw something written on the skirting board. He bent over to have a look ‘You were warned twice!’

  • Jules

    I only have a few simple words to the writer….YOU ARE A COMPLETE ASS. Nothing better to write about, so take on someone who is clearly suffering from serious issues. There’s nothing wrong with having gay sex in public and smoking crack in the public lav. Please crawl back under the rock that you slithered out from…….you are lower than low.