Sir, As the summer months draw on, I gather that pensioners are being advised to stay in the shade so they do not wilt. It would be most helpful if you could illustrate this advice with a picture.
LONDON – England – Has Andrew Neil finally killed off the ongoing Private Eye ‘something young’ saga?
Surely not, and if so, how will the Eye compensate now that Neil has something young strapped permanently on the end of his arm.
We asked Private Eye editor Ian Hislop about the tawdry affair.
DS – Hello Mr Hislop, have you seen this news about Andrew Neil?
IH – Yes, the Eye sees everything.
DS – What perchance do you think of this sudden marriage by Neil to someone old enough to be his daughter?
IH – Well, you can guess what will be on the front cover of the next edition, oops have I given too much away?
DS – Oh dear Mr Hislop what will your readers say now that you’ve revealed the front cover theme?
IH – Ah ah, not all of it, things can always be adjusted. Don’t forget to subscribe. Must dash.
Mr Hislop was in a bit of a rush, so we let him go, but you get the gist of the story.