ANAMBRA – Nigeria – Our resident restaurant critic, Herman Van Helsing, dined at the world famous -10 Star un-Michelin rated Nigerian restaurant and posts his valued opinion on the culinary delights available.
“I asked for leg of lamb, and after a few minutes was presented with a leg on a plate wearing socks and shoes. Tucking in, it took me three mouthfuls to realise this was actually a human leg and I promptly vomited over the waiter’s smiling face when he came over to ask if the food was okay.
“The soup du Jour, or in this case could have been months, was no better. I dipped in slurping the meaty taste of gristle and sinew to find eyes staring at me bobbing in my soup, one eye even winked as it was still attached to the eyelids. My projectile vomit this time reached a distance of four tables dousing a local Catholic priest who seemed to be enthusiastically tucking into some human buttocks.
“I have to say, this is one restaurant that Gordon Ramsay would hold a funeral in, and as for Jamie Fat Tongue, he would be carved up and presented on a platter in no time.
“African cuisine has come a long way since the delights of Ebola infected bushmeat delicacies, and I heartily recommend this restaurant deep in the Nigerian country side. Just don’t visit the kitchens after the meal, especially if you’ve drunk a bit, as the chef is partial to taking ingredients directly from the punters.”
The Daily Squib gives the Igomo Nigerian restaurant 5/5 stars
UPDATE: We have not had any contact with our restaurant critic since he emailed this restaurant review. We are appealing to anyone who has local information on his whereabouts to notify us immediately.