SHOREDITCH – England – What’s a revolutionary to do? Russell Brand is the most bored revolutionary in the world’s history of revolutionaries.
“Russell Brand, the part-time revolutionary is so very bored, this talking and talking is so, so cumbersome and fatiguing to his flitting personality,” Brand’s agent Anoushka Melcham told PR Week magazine yesterday.
It is indeed boring talking about revolution yet doing nothing about it.
“I’m a talker, because it keeps me in the spotlight. If I don’t talk and talk and talk, I’m out of the spotlight that means I can’t say the multi-syllabic words I parrot to impress the pussy. Yeah, I’m in this for the women and the money, and like I’m a people’s champion you know. The women love me, I shag the little strumpets and harlots then move on to the next one. I’m a feminist. You can also call me the new Robin Hood but a very rich one who can’t use a bow or actually do anything. Oh this is so boring, I need to call up my agent to ask her what else I can do (snort),” Brand said from his luxury apartment’s jacuzzi whilst the celebrity revolutionary’s latest pickup, a woman with bubbling puss seeping herpes blisters around her mouth gave him a peck on the lips.
Brand’s next project after his revolution never happens is to find something else to talk about, a new cause or something, but it has to make a lot of money.