Business
£500 Billion to Buy Humungous Amount of Prostitutes and Champagne for Bank Executives
LONDON - England - Taxpayers in Britain are going to foot one of the heftiest whore and champagne bills in history. ... Full story
Daily Squib Bank Account Guarantees All Deposits
LONDON - England - The Daily Squib Media Empire has issued a blanket guarantee of all bank deposits after panic withdrawals by customers in the UK, creating an unstoppable stampede across Europe for an EU-wide bail of the financial system. ... Full story
Banks to Diversify by Selling Groceries
LONDON - England - Hard hit banks are finding new ways to raise cash in these hard 'credit crunch' times. ... Full story
Don't Worry Folks - US Federal Reserve Printing More Money
WASHINGTON DC - USA - The US Federal Mint was today printing more money at all national printing presses to try and stem economic disaster. ... Full story
Annoying CNUT Finally Off the Air
LONDON - England - At least one good thing has come out of the recession. The annoying irritant of 'Halifax Howard' has finally been smudged off the airwaves after he was unceremoniously sacked from the long running ad campaign. ... Full story
Exclusive First Pictures of 'Brangelina' Baby
LOS ANGELES - CA - The Daily Squib newspaper has acquired the only photographs of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's new baby, all for for the princely sum of $23 million. ... Full story
Nielsen Names 'Daily Squib' Most Visited News Site on Top 30 List
OBERSALZBERG MOUNTAIN - Germany - There were celebrations in the Daily Squib offices worldwide when Nielsen Online released data on the top 30 sites in the “News†category based on February 2008 traffic. ... Full story
Stockbroker Sees Ghost at NYSE
NEW YORK - USA - Jim Buller, 35, claimed to see an apparition at the New York Stock Exchange just after the bell went on Monday. ... Full story
Monopoly Game Money Beats Weak US Dollar
WASHINGTON DC - The worldwide standard currency, the US Dollar, is now weaker than Monopoly money according to monetary analysts. ... Full story
Sex Pistols Corporate Financial Come-Back Revenue Tour
LOS ANGELES - CA - John Lydon AKA Johnny Rotten lead singer of seminal punk group the Sex Pistols expounds on the group's corporate and financial Adjusted Gross Income Revenue projections. ... Full story
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Man Blows Brains Out at Britain's Got Talent Show
LIVERPOOL - England - The audience and judges at the Britain's Got Talent show got more than they bargained for on Monday night when a man took out a revolver and shot himself in the head. ... Full story